Arise, Arise

I deleted my account. It had been a long time coming as I was obsessing over what I wasn’t doing while victimizing myself with the constant scroll of nothing. People will believe what they want to believe for why. It was time is enough reason.

I sat outside on our porch in the damp cold of Midwest October’s autumn winds, smoking a cigarillo while my dog laid his head in my lap. I sat thinking about all the shows and articles and books that have been left unfinished and the website that hadn’t been posted in a year. I thought about all the promises that were breaking under the weight of time. I thought about “Ständchen” even though the only music I had to listen to was the silence of my insomnia. Silent as my boy’s monitor in his bed.

I could cast recriminations and offer analysis. As I said it was a long time coming. There are other things I would like to do and too many things I need to do. I may not complete them all. The first step to coming back however is walking away.

The second is waking up after this difficult sleep.